realizations

i have been through hell...but until now have only thought of myself. i didn't realize what the effects of all of the fighting and bitterness in my marriage were doing to my precious child. i finished reading a magnificent book last night. all about forgiveness and turning things over to the Lord. "The Peacegiver" helped me see myself and my marriage for what it REALLY is. my marriage is not a sham. it never was. it started out wonderfully, but has become something toxic ONLY because BOTH parties were unwilling to forgive at various times throughout the years. and we've held onto that. and now brought our daughter into it. the story written is of a man and his wife that have become somewhat estranged due to lack of compassion or empathy for the other. they have 4 children together, 2 boys and 2 girls. in this story, the man has a dream. in that dream his grandfather comes to him and tells him how things are being damaged by all of the unforgiven misdeeds. he explains to his grandson that every time his children come running into his arms after work, not only is it because they love him, but because they are afraid and are in essence "holding on to him" because they sense the precarious situation he is in with his wife and their mother...after reading that, i thought to myself, "my Livvy has become this way." and she has! she has become clingy and cries often when i leave the room even for just a few moments. she has become insecure in HER situation! and she's only 6 months old. thinking of this brought tears to my eyes and made me realize how selfish i had been in choosing to be angry with my spouse. he may upset me, and he may hurt me...but i can CHOOSE whether or not i'm going to hang on to that negativity and let it affect my sweet innocent baby. she didn't do anything wrong, so why punish her with harboring negative emotions? i am grateful for this truly freeing realization.