love?

every little girl dreams of her wedding day. the flowers, the family, the friendship, the feeling. in my head, mine was to be the most "romantical" of all...and that day came. but not like i had planned. i was married in my in-laws living room. there was only one flower: a simple daisy. only half of my family was there, with my best friend sitting beside them. but the feeling was there. the FEELING was there. as i stood there and said "i do", i felt on top of the world. i was marrying my best friend. the man i had fallen in love with. the man i felt safe with. it was so wonderful to wake up to him every morning and fall asleep to the lullaby of his steady breathing every night. i had never met anyone like him, and i felt lucky that such a love could exist...and now i doubt that same existence. i now wake up wondering if the man in my life is going to love me, in spite of all my flaws and character weaknesses (which are many). i know i am not perfect and have done a lot of things that require forgiveness...but i wonder whether i can make mistakes and be forgiven. and i definitely never thought i would hear the words "i don't know if i want you anymore". how can a person not know if they want their spouse? it doesn't make sense to me. it never has and never will. there just isn't room in my head or my heart for the kind of un-happiness i'm currently experiencing. i have become so cynical of everything to do with "love" that i feel i'm losing a part of me. when once i would have rejoiced at the words "happily-ever-after", i now can't help but hear "crappily-ever-after". ugh. my thoughts are jumbled. my heart is breaking. what ever happened to TRUE love?